The Moment Most People Never Feel

The moment she hit send, she expected to feel relief.
Or even excitement.

Instead, she freaked out.

“Now what do I do?!” she thought to herself.

She starts scrolling.

Not because she wants to.

But because sitting in that moment…

with nothing to do…

feels unbearable.

So her mind starts searching.

For something to fix.
Something to improve.
Something to hold onto.

She compares herself to other coaches.

Feels behind.

Watches a webinar.

Hoping something will land this time.

But nothing does.

And now it’s not just tension.

It’s heavier than that.

It’s exhaustion.

The kind that comes from trying to figure something out…

that never actually resolves.

And underneath all of it,

is something quieter.

A kind of aloneness.

Like she’s on her own in this.

And whatever happens next…

is no longer up to her.

Like something else decides now.

And she has no control over it.

So she keeps going.

Thinking.
Analyzing.
Trying.

Because stopping…

would mean feeling that.

The truth is…

There was nothing for her to do.

The next step was no longer hers.

And for a brief moment...before the scrolling,
before the overthinking...

...her body actually registered that.

“There is nothing for me to do right now.”

But she didn’t feel that moment.

She moved straight past it.

And that’s where everything changed.

You’ve experienced this, too.

After sending a message.
When a decision wasn't clear.
When wanting something dearly.
While waiting for something to happen.
Not knowing how someone will respond. 

That moment where something is no longer in your hands.

The moment most people never feel

I’ve started calling this a U-Moment.

It’s the moment when something moves out of your hands…

and your system briefly recognizes:

“There is nothing for me to do.”

But most people never feel it.

Not because it isn’t there.

But because the mind immediately moves in to take control again.

It starts thinking.
Analyzing.
Trying to fix.
Trying to figure it out.

In that split second between the moment your body registers something is out of your hands and the contraction, something important happens in your body…

The intellectual control is at the end of what I refer to as your Doom Loop™.

A fast cycle where:

something feels out of your hands
→ the body links it to loss, heartbreak, or aloneness (core pain)
→ the system interprets it as "there's nothing I can do about it" (doom)
→ fear activates to initiate an escape
→ and the mind moves into control to escape it

Why this keeps happening

What most people don’t realize…
is that the reaction doesn’t start with thinking.

It starts earlier.

In the moment where something is no longer in your hands…

and you are left on your own with it.

Not just alone—

but without control over what happens next.

And for many people…
that doesn’t feel neutral.

It feels like being at the mercy of something outside of you.

So the system moves quickly.

Not just to solve the situation—

but to get out of that feeling.

The moment that starts it all

What’s actually happening is much more subtle.

There is a moment — right before the overthinking begins —
where your system registers:

“This is no longer in my hands.”

That moment is not stressful.

It’s not overwhelming.

It’s actually… quiet.

It's a moment of physical relaxation in the body. 

A moment where your muscles soften.

Where the system recognizes:
"There's nothing to hold."

But most people have learned — often very early in life —
that this moment is not safe.

So the body overrides it.

Almost instantly.

And replaces it with:

• tension
• numbness / tiredness
• overwhelm / confusion
• urgency
• mental activity
• the need to regain control

That’s the Doom Loop.

The different ways this shows up (U-Moments)

Once you start seeing it, you realize:

This moment is everywhere.

1. The "Having to wait" U-Moment

You send a message.
Share an offer.
Apply for something.

Now it’s out of your hands and you have to wait for an answer.

2. The "I don't know what to do" U-Moment

You don’t know what to choose.

There is no clear answer.
No “right” next step.

The consequences are unknown. 

It's a constant back and forth in your mind, going over pros and cons, and what should I do's? 

3. The "Will it work out?" U-Moment

You’ve done everything you can.  

Now you're dependent on others and the Unknown to bring it home. 

It's out of your hands. 

You start trying to make sure it works out.

4. The "They will see me" U-Moment

You put yourself out there. Make yourself visible. 

And now you can’t control how it’s received.

You might withdraw, procrastinate, postpone. Or keep all the angst inside; No-one will ever even see what it going on inside.

5. The "Will I get it?" U-Moment

You want something deeply…

but you don’t know how, where and when it will happen.

So now you start negotiating in your head, trying to figure out the how, looking for what you can do. 

6. The "I surrender" U-Moment

You experience a moment of ease.

And almost immediately…
your system tightens again.

“This won’t last.”
“Something will go wrong.”

7. The "Is this for me?" U-Moment

Success, and abundance flow into your life.

Instead of the giving you are used to, you are receiving. 

You are no longer in control. 

Guilt sets in. Your mind starts looking for problems. You self sabotage. 

These moments are not rare.

They are constant.

But most people never experience them directly.

They move straight into control.

Why you can’t just “practice this”

At this point, many people think:

“Okay, I’ll just notice this next time.”

But here’s the challenge:

You cannot think your way into this moment.

Because the moment you try to “do it right”…

you are already back in control.

And that’s the Doom Loop again.

This is why this work requires something more subtle.

What changes everything

What changes everything

When you begin to slow this moment down…

something very different becomes possible.

Not because you’re doing something new—

but because you stop moving past it so quickly.

Instead of reacting…
you begin to notice what’s actually happening.

Instead of trying to take control…
you pause.

This is what I call The Waiting Room.

And this is where the work is often misunderstood.

Because it’s not about learning to stay in a state of being “alone” with it.

It’s about seeing more clearly what that moment actually is.

At first, it can feel like you’re on your own—

like something else decides what happens next.

Like you’re at the mercy of it.

And that’s what the system reacts to.

But as you begin to stay with the moment, just a little longer…

without immediately escaping it—

something shifts.

That sense of separation…

starts to loosen.

And what becomes visible is much simpler than it first appeared:

You were never actually separate from it.

The feeling of being alone…

was not the reality of the moment—

but a reaction your system learned.

And when that becomes clear…

the entire structure of the Doom Loop begins to dissolve.

The part most people miss

This isn’t about learning a technique.

It’s about recognizing something your system
has learned to avoid for years.

Most people cannot access this on their own.

Not because they’re doing it wrong.

But because the identity that formed around control
experiences letting go as unsafe.

And without realizing it…

they keep practicing control.

Even in their healing.

A different way forward

This is the foundation of my work.

Not helping you fix yourself.
Not helping you find better strategies.

But guiding you back to a moment
that has been there all along.

The moment where there is nothing to do.

And everything begins to change.

Freedom doesn’t come from controlling life.

It begins the moment you stop trying to take it back.

And right now…

as I publish this blog…

it becomes a U-Moment for me, too.

Because what you do with this…

is now out of my hands.

I don’t know if you’ll read it all the way through.

If something will click.

Or if it will stay with you.

And there is nothing for me to do about that.

Just… not mine to hold.

If you can feel this moment…

even a little—

then you already know this isn’t something you can think your way out of.

This is the work.

Not fixing it.
Not managing it.

But seeing, in real time, what’s actually happening underneath it.

Most people never get access to that level of clarity.

Not because they’re not capable—

but because this moment is so easy to miss.

Inside the community, we start slowing this down.

Not conceptually—

but in the exact moments it’s happening.

You can step into that here:

 throwittotheu.com/feel-free-finally

And if you’re reading this and already know—

this is exactly what’s been happening…

and you don’t want to keep circling in it—

you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

You can reach out to me directly.

We’ll look at what’s happening in real time—
and see if this is the kind of work you’re ready for.

→ femke@throwittotheu.com

Even if it’s just a sentence about what’s been happening—
that’s enough to start.

Love, Femke