In this reflection we'll explore why intelligent women often feel stuck — even after doing years of personal development work.
There is a missing link in all the coaching and healing modalities out there. Something that keeps people from experiencing the inner freedom they’re actually seeking.
This is true whether you're successful, yet feeling stressed out and secretly wonder if "this is all there is". It's also true if you're struggling to get to a place of success and you feel like you're spinning your wheels.
You see, true freedom comes from being able to let go of control without your nervous system getting activated.
Think about it this way: Feeling present, carefree, playful, creative, abundant, receiving, success, trusting your intuition, taking inspired action, trust ALL require a letting go of control.
And that's where the hitch is for so many people: Letting go of control feels like powerlessness in the body.
For most, this is a tabooed sensation!
Instead of feeling it, it's replaced by escapes: figuring out the how, over-analyzing, placing trust in others, getting really procedural (or not at all), procrastinating, holding on tight to control, looking externally for solutions, numbing out on food or Netflix etc.
These escapes are driving by anxiety, desperation, overwhelm, confusion, anger, irritation, numbness, feeling tired, tension, etc.
Why does that sense of powerlessness activate our nervous system?
It's usually connected to either a deep sense of devastating disappointment and loss OR a sense of being all alone and separate (from others and the Universe / God).
And often there's a belief that holds that connection between powerlessness and loss / abandonment in place:
"The Universe is against me"
"God doesn't favor me"
"Life is a struggle"
"There's the haves and have nots, you're born into that. I'm a have not"
"My being born into this life was a mistake"
If you allowed yourself to feel powerlessness, you'd also feel the pain of these "truths". So the brain goes into survival mode.
Your nervous system is keeping you "safe"!
Even if it doesn't feel like that AT ALL.
The problem isn't your nervous system. It's the distorted beliefs and connections that were made that make feeling powerless so deeply painful.
It's those connections that need to be cleared out of the body. How to do that really depends on the person. Sometimes it is grieving a certain memory. Other times it is clearing the distortions of taking what a parent did or didn't do personally (There must be something wrong with me). It could also be societal conditioning, such as "kids are meant to be seen, not heard" or watching others "have it all" whilst your parents are merely scraping by.
This is an absolutely critical part of being able to experience true freedom in your life.
That's because all the states that make you feel free, feel similar to powerlessness in the body. They all have a releasing of tension and letting go of control in common. Trust, receiving, desire / want, joy, carefree, passion, abundance, power...
A great many people make their way to success through forced control, without even knowing it. It's the default, so it's not questioned. When I talk to people who have "made it" in the eyes of others, they often are exhausted. They experience so much tension in their body and deeply feel they are meant for more.
More relaxation. More presence. More joy. More freedom. More balance.
It's really no different than those whose invisible ceilings seem to be a little "lower" and they're struggling to get to a place of success.
When I work with clients 1-on-1, we first explore where they are at and uncover their core subconscious belief, their relationship with powerlessness, and their escape states and mechanisms. Recognizing those patterns and what to interrupt, will go a long way towards stepping into a new way of being.
We then clear out any of the distortions, so they can feel powerlessness in your body without the nervous system responding.
That's when we switch gears and focus on a whole new way of being and getting full access to those creative states that I mentioned before. Feeling fully free to express oneself and stepping into an ease of being, deeply connected to one's purpose and intuition.
We focus on aligning with this new way of being. There's often confusion around what alignment really means. Essentially alignment is when all your thoughts and feelings about the world around you are in line with who you want to be and how you want to show up.
And lastly, we focus on what strategy, decisions and inspired action flows from this new way of being. Often this process occurs naturally, because my clients end up trusting themselves so deeply.
If this reflection resonated with you, you're warmly invited to continue exploring these ideas inside the Feel Free, Finally community.
It’s a space for deep-feeling thinkers who are curious about what it really means to live with more ease, trust, and freedom — especially when life feels out of our hands.
Inside the community you'll find:
• thoughtful conversations about these ideas
• Tea Time With The U gatherings
• and a 7-day mini course exploring how we relate to the unknown.
You can join the conversation here:
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Love, Femke